Out of place
I really enjoy been inside a society and a city without synchronizing myself to their own rhythms. I like to drive around at the times people aren't coming back from work or going to eat lunch. I love eating lunch early or late. I love it as long as it is at least a little off.
Off track, off time, off space.
I'll be leaving this city soon. Actually, in a couple of months. Sometimes these "couple of months" seem like an eternity, sometimes they seem really small.
What about the unknown future? Right now, my body is quite used to a shifting effect: from scared, to really happy, then indifferent. I mean... who wouldn't be scared of changing like this? Going off to some new country you've never even set foot on. Living there... for years.
And then I get scared.
But it doesn't last for too long. Fear is a strange feeling... specially once you get used to it. Sometimes it works just like Spiderman's tingling: warns of danger, mostly when my girlfriend's getting angry (ouch!). When the "fake" fear starts to dwindle away, I get really happy! After all, I'll be having an experience that I've always longed for. I'll get to meet new places, people, ways of thinking and everything else.
Happy, right?
Actually, I've come to believe that happiness is nothing but a simple rush you get sometimes. It isn't something to be holding on to so much. Just like alcohol: it feels good, but it's better not to get too used to it. So what's left? My own familiar and very much appreciated loneliness. Yes, I enjoy my own company. That's something I've decided I'd do a long time ago: like myself, be proud of myself, feel at ease when around myself. Not like you have much choice, because you'll never be in any situation you're not in. Ever. And this includes my soon-to-be new address: I'll be there. The same me that has always been around.
But, wait! Am I the same?
Off track, off time, off space.
I'll be leaving this city soon. Actually, in a couple of months. Sometimes these "couple of months" seem like an eternity, sometimes they seem really small.
What about the unknown future? Right now, my body is quite used to a shifting effect: from scared, to really happy, then indifferent. I mean... who wouldn't be scared of changing like this? Going off to some new country you've never even set foot on. Living there... for years.
And then I get scared.
But it doesn't last for too long. Fear is a strange feeling... specially once you get used to it. Sometimes it works just like Spiderman's tingling: warns of danger, mostly when my girlfriend's getting angry (ouch!). When the "fake" fear starts to dwindle away, I get really happy! After all, I'll be having an experience that I've always longed for. I'll get to meet new places, people, ways of thinking and everything else.
Happy, right?
Actually, I've come to believe that happiness is nothing but a simple rush you get sometimes. It isn't something to be holding on to so much. Just like alcohol: it feels good, but it's better not to get too used to it. So what's left? My own familiar and very much appreciated loneliness. Yes, I enjoy my own company. That's something I've decided I'd do a long time ago: like myself, be proud of myself, feel at ease when around myself. Not like you have much choice, because you'll never be in any situation you're not in. Ever. And this includes my soon-to-be new address: I'll be there. The same me that has always been around.
But, wait! Am I the same?
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