How can it be so troublesome and tiresome?

How stupid can we get when we want something to happen? I always wanted to know what would be the outcome of random acts. For example, some day you look at some girl and she's so beautiful you can't help but to start imagining your kids running around on some sunny beach five or ten years from now (depending on how old you are). Just really wanting to make something feel like it makes sense somehow, and that it's not something that happened (or is happening).

I'm happening right now, and it's exhausting.

I keep making my own pretty stupid decisions everyday and then try to summarize them so that I don't feel stupid, crazy or both. I tell the story pretending it was simple, but it wasn't. Just lots of surprises, turdowns, unexpected outcomes and all kinds of utter randomness. That's life, dude, and it's sooo tiresome. I wish there was some sort of garantee, some move, some computer program or some religion to get me out of this. Something that, once done, gives meaning to your life (so to speak).

Actually, I'm very glad that there's no such thing in my life. I'd hate myself for being stupid enough to accept some damned point of view that just renders everything else meaningless. My tiny and unbearable life is sprouting with many lovely and despicable things. All the time.