A nonchalant comment on Mondays, life goals and feeling good about yourself.
As I sit down to write about this, I suddenly realize most of what lead me to write this relates closely to being in Japan, and I believe that Japanese men would particularly enjoy this read.
I'm not racist.
It's just about culture. Yesterday I had this huge ass scary "opportunity to perform well and show my prowess"... a test. A big presentation at work, a deal you must close, the JLPT... all these things are tests, just like the ones you and I had to take on History or Mathematics. And, even though I was as prepared as I would ever be, I was stressing over it. I feel good when I get to put stuff that's bothering me behind. That's just the way I am, the way I was raised and where it brought me to. If I had to talk about Brazilian culture, however, I'd probably say most people don't stress too much... about pretty much anything. I'm not the best cultural representative. Not too good at soccer either (proudly so).
But then again, I'm not a believer of geographic determinism.
I don't blame stuff that happens to me on my latitude and longitude, as much as I don't put responsibility for my own issues on other people. This is also the case here: I was stressing over something that was not that hard. Even though I strongly feel that the constant "ganbatte"s of my social group did increase my own uneasiness, I cannot fail to point out that they were merely trying to be nice while touching on a very sensitive spot. I just had some stress that I have no one else to blame on but myself. And then, I was looking around the train as I came back home... I always think the strangest things when I'm staring at people on trains...
Oh, forgive me for those. I just like music, specially when I'm writing. So indulge me and let's listen to the same sounds... reader and writer. Press play.
And as I look back on the situation I forced myself into, I feel so bad for feeling bad... I deliberately forced myself to feel bad. As simple as that. Sure, I had to prepare and all, but do you really think being scared makes you perform better? That's why I have trouble understanding why people put themselves through non-required suffering, like getting corporate jobs, or trying to fit into whatever culture (even your own).
I'm being honest here: I don't think anyone should try too hard to belong anywhere, even if it's your own country. And this is something that makes a lot of sense for me, a dude who has felt out of place. Don't go getting mellow on me, I'm not sad about it, and that might make it harder to understand. Being "in my place" or "in a place I belong" is not something I value. Au contraire, I value the effort to survive and breath outside your own "place". I value what's foreign, instead of taking that as a bad thing. What people have to understand is the fact that I'm not like everybody. In fact, nobody is. Individuality is a hard think to understand.
Talk about Japan...
Personally, I see no reason not to feel good about myself all the time. You buy a new computer, you buy new shoes, you eat this delicious meal, you have a one night stand with a gorgeous woman, you get a big client for your company. If you can imagine the way you'd feel right then, like you're walking on top of the world. Like you're the coolest mudafocka on the whole planet... like a 5 year-old kid would walk. With the swagger and all. That's what I think I should be like all the time, but I'm still working on it. Getting back to being young is sure gonna take another couple of years, but I'm not in a hurry or anything. I hope Japanese dudes out there will understand what I mean.
I'm not racist.
It's just about culture. Yesterday I had this huge ass scary "opportunity to perform well and show my prowess"... a test. A big presentation at work, a deal you must close, the JLPT... all these things are tests, just like the ones you and I had to take on History or Mathematics. And, even though I was as prepared as I would ever be, I was stressing over it. I feel good when I get to put stuff that's bothering me behind. That's just the way I am, the way I was raised and where it brought me to. If I had to talk about Brazilian culture, however, I'd probably say most people don't stress too much... about pretty much anything. I'm not the best cultural representative. Not too good at soccer either (proudly so).
But then again, I'm not a believer of geographic determinism.
I don't blame stuff that happens to me on my latitude and longitude, as much as I don't put responsibility for my own issues on other people. This is also the case here: I was stressing over something that was not that hard. Even though I strongly feel that the constant "ganbatte"s of my social group did increase my own uneasiness, I cannot fail to point out that they were merely trying to be nice while touching on a very sensitive spot. I just had some stress that I have no one else to blame on but myself. And then, I was looking around the train as I came back home... I always think the strangest things when I'm staring at people on trains...
Oh, forgive me for those. I just like music, specially when I'm writing. So indulge me and let's listen to the same sounds... reader and writer. Press play.
And as I look back on the situation I forced myself into, I feel so bad for feeling bad... I deliberately forced myself to feel bad. As simple as that. Sure, I had to prepare and all, but do you really think being scared makes you perform better? That's why I have trouble understanding why people put themselves through non-required suffering, like getting corporate jobs, or trying to fit into whatever culture (even your own).
I'm being honest here: I don't think anyone should try too hard to belong anywhere, even if it's your own country. And this is something that makes a lot of sense for me, a dude who has felt out of place. Don't go getting mellow on me, I'm not sad about it, and that might make it harder to understand. Being "in my place" or "in a place I belong" is not something I value. Au contraire, I value the effort to survive and breath outside your own "place". I value what's foreign, instead of taking that as a bad thing. What people have to understand is the fact that I'm not like everybody. In fact, nobody is. Individuality is a hard think to understand.
Talk about Japan...
Personally, I see no reason not to feel good about myself all the time. You buy a new computer, you buy new shoes, you eat this delicious meal, you have a one night stand with a gorgeous woman, you get a big client for your company. If you can imagine the way you'd feel right then, like you're walking on top of the world. Like you're the coolest mudafocka on the whole planet... like a 5 year-old kid would walk. With the swagger and all. That's what I think I should be like all the time, but I'm still working on it. Getting back to being young is sure gonna take another couple of years, but I'm not in a hurry or anything. I hope Japanese dudes out there will understand what I mean.
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