Can't stop people

I think I was always very conscious of this on some level. I always knew you can't control people, just like stones fall downwards and Americans will do crazy stuff. It's a statement of fact. (Just kidding about the Americans. Not.)

Thing is it used to make me feel afraid of people and/or totally threatened by knowing I could never know what they would do. Think of how this affected my relationships. No wonder my first girlfriend was huge on demonstration approval and giving me reassurance. That's what she had to do, and when she did everything was roses.

Now the tables have turned, after an impossibly unexpected series of events. Things weren't supposed to have happened this way, but they did. Things that were supposed to have happened a long time ago will apparently never come to pass. This all sounds so bad, and yet I'm still here.

Now this impossible reality is what I call home.

I'm at ease with the shifting sands of life. I don't plot against and fear my fellow irreductible others. I welcome the unpredictability like a fresh breeze in the summer, I enjoy the little idiosyncrasies, I revel in the chaos and randomness. On the one hand, one might say this means only that I have lowered my standards, thus implying a possible negative outcome that is reducing myself or becoming less. On the other hand, isn't it obvious that making yourself miserable on purpose is just about the stupidest thing one can ever choose to do?